You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
