Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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