I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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