turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
