So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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