He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
