How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
