I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
