Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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