i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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