somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
