I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
