A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
