No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
