Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
