1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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