...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
