Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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