how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
