Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
