Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
there is glitter all over my balls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
