I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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