You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
