My room smells like vodka and shame
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
