I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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