She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
