Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
