im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
