The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
