Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
