# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
