Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
