Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
