Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
