I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
