Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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