people are starting to question the shark bite story
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
