Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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