yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
