shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
