i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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