went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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