fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Acid is not a monday night drug
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
