I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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