i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
