Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
