My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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