Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
