so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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