is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
