Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
