Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
