If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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